A New Lens

It's no secret that the United Methodist Church needs more young people to hear and discern God's call to ordained ministry. There is of course the practical reason of simple statistics: as older pastors retire at an increasing rate, we'll need new pastors to take their roles. But that's isn't the most compelling reason by far. For me the most compelling reason is that without young clergy adding to the diversity of the whole clergy we are missing some great gifts. For this reason several young pastors (I'm in my last couple of years of being young at 33) are blogging today about their call stories. So here's mine. I hope it will give confidence to those who are stuggling with their discernment.

I would describe my call as putting a new lens on a camera. Let me explain. I was a sophomore at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh studying Electrical & Computer Engineering and Public Policy. I had finally found a great church near our campus (First United Methodist) with a great pastor (Bishop Peter Weaver) and an amazing congregation. I finally had the availablility to take Disciple I. (Note to pastors...there really are youth who would jump at Disciple...but if you offer it at 10 AM on a Tuesday they can't come!) At the second to last session, we went around sharing the gifts we saw in each other. It was my turn to receive and it came to Rich Bartosik, a former military guy with a pretty big voice. "Ordained Ministry," was all he said in that booming voice. At that moment it was like someone had put a new lens on the camera of my life. My 19 years of life experience looked different. Those two words, as scarry as they were, made sense in light of everything that had happened before. After the initial revelation my thoughts turned to, "You want what God?"

To help discern my call I was offered one of the seminarian positions at FUMC. The other intern became a great friend and colleague, John Shaver. As graduation from CMU loomed, I had a serious decision to make, work or seminary. I visited Boston University School of Theology. I interviewed at some great companies. In the end I made a deal with God. I would work for 5 years while being involved in a church. At the end of that time, I'd decide if seminary would be the right path.

It took me 6 years of working and discerning. At times I felt like I was running from God. At times I felt like my volunteering in the church was sustaining me in my oh so different consulting career. Work was profit-driven, church was people-driven. At about year 4 or 5, I started to make plans to leave my career and enter seminary. And that's just what I did. People thought I was crazy from work to give up a very lucrative career. The candidacy process seemed to assume I either hated my previous career or failed at it; neither are true. I went to seminary not because it made sense but because that's where I felt God leading me.

Seminary was tough for someone with an engineering background. Often times I relied on the mantra I found in a song: "I'm gonna live so God can use me." That's all I wanted and all I continue to want.

Now I'm starting my third year at my first full-time appointment. There are days when wonder if I made the right decision. But there are also days when the privilidge of my role to be at the most important moments in people's lives touches me so deeply.

Are you discerning a call into ministry? Find someone to share it with...to pray about it with...to make sense of it with. If you want to share your story with me or ask me questions about mine, I welcome your email (jhilde@gmail.com).